Set Transmission
Dearest Deers, I Do Apologise
In the wild, peacocks fan their stunning feathers to attract a mate. In L.A, people talk about how wonderful they are to get you into bed. In Junction, Texas, men hand out home-made deer + hog jerky as a means of flirting.
Fred, our overall-clad 60-something lothario made first contact at the jukebox, where his opening line was, “What songs are y’all choosing?” Given the limited selection of albums by Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, Keith Urban, Gretchen Wilson or Brooks and Dunn (or compilations featuring all five), we told him we were thinking Johnny Cash and AC/DC would make fine choices. Fred politely informed us that country was the music du jour in Junction, and that Johnny Cash was good, but that we were welcome to choose whatever we liked. Cheers Fred. He then tottered off to play pool, returning moments later with a gift for each of us.
Out of his top overall pocket, Fred produced two brown sticks.
“I made these myself,” he proudly said, handing them over. “They’re deer and hog jerky.”
At this point, Lauren looked like she might throw up then and there, but, in true trooper fashion, nibbled the corner of her chewy treat.
“Awesome. How’d you do it?” I asked, taking a bite.
“I shot and killed the deer, then I gutted them,” Fred began.
Lauren looked scared and slowly maneuvered the stick behind her back so Fred wouldn’t notice she wasn’t gonna eat the thing.
“Uh huh. Then what?” I took another bite. It tasted like a very strong flavoured salami, but drier and more deer like.
“I marinate it with some salt n pepper, some garlic, some chilli, then I smoke it in my smokehouse for three days. Then I cut it up and put em in the freezer.”
“Wow. It’s delicious. Thanks.”
Fred was clearly happy I was eating the jerky with such relish, and, flashing his impressive pearly whites, told us that despite the fact he was old, he was still gonna try it on and flirt with us.
We laughed politely but made our way back to our bar stools. Sorry Fred. Seventy-something Old Joe over there without teeth already bought us a couple of Buds, so we’re kinda hangin with him and his mate Ray who’s shelling peanuts over by the bar. The deer jerky was an experience though. Thanks.
